I have been in a relationship with Mr Fluskey for an unmentionable number of years. We quickly discovered that we were great travel buddies and encouraged each other to adventure more. Since then we have spent lots of time on the road together and learnt a lot about what it means to be a couple that travels. It isn’t always good, it isn’t always bad, read on to find out the highs and lows of backpacking as a couple and our top tips for enjoying you travels together too…
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If I am going to endeavour to share everything about being a twosome abroad, it would be an dreadful fallacy to tell you that it is all good all the time. Let’s start with the cons and get them out of the way.
The Cons of Backpacking as a Couple
The Couple Bubble
Some people aren’t all that interested in getting to know couples. Groups of single friends don’t really have anything to gain from hanging out with you, and some people think they are interrupting if they get in between the two of you. It can really be tricky to break the couple bubble.
TIP: We found that approaching other people broke the barrier much more quickly. Plus (and this might sound odd) but letting them know that you are “basically an old married couple” helps them relax. They are much more likely to hang out if they know you are slightly sick of each other than with a fawning honeymoon couple.
Question Time
How long have you been together?…. Oooooh.
Are you married? ….. Why not?
Do you have children? …… Why not?
OK, so we are married now, but for ten long years we travelled together as boyfriend and girlfriend. Throughout Asia, there were always questions about why we weren’t married and when we were going to make babies. It was a little uncomfortable sometimes. Luckily, my other half didn’t scare easily! To be fair, now that we are hitched, the questions about babies still come from perfect strangers but I am much more confident about explaining that isn’t in the plan.
TIP: Sometimes it is easy enough to laugh things off but it can be even easier to wear a pretend wedding ring each.
The Compromise
The main joy of travelling solo is doing what you want, when you want. Add another person into that equation and you immediately need to compromise. This isn’t really a problem but it does lead to many a dull conversation where you need to choose where to eat, what to see next etc, etc, etc.
Then there are the times that you really want to try an activity, let’s say it’s whitewater rafting (check out when we went Kayaking the Köprüçay River with Novaraft in Turkey), and the other person doesn’t want to. Sure you could go off and do it by yourself but that’s not why you came on holiday with your significant other; it was to spend time together. If you find things you both enjoy, you are on to a winner!
TIP: Set expectations early for any big activities or sights you want to partake in. This stops a last-minute argument and/or gives you time to work out how it works best for you both.
The Arguments
Heat, alcohol, exhaustion…this can only end well.
We don’t often argue at home but our drunken arguments on holiday are a sight to behold. Unlike an argument with a friend, you have a whole extra suitcase full of past bitterness and grudges to throw at your partner. The rows are big and brash, releasing days of tension and frustration at probably the whole world. When you are on a budget and have to constantly count the pennies, it can feel frustrating or unfair and this is easily projected onto others…including your partner.
Some of our biggest travelling tiffs include the time I slept on a hostel sofa because I had drunkenly convinced myself that Mr Fluskey had locked me out during a screaming row. I wasn’t even drunk at the Full Moon Party on Koh Phangnan in Thailand when I spent two hours crying on Skype to my parents. I HAD drunk six Thai Redbulls however so I was caffeinated to the eyeballs. Oh, and the classic time that I stormed off to a bar by myself….we aren’t proud of these moments, but they happen to everyone.
TIP: The only thing you can do when you have a real blowout whilst backpacking as a couple is to try to sleep and reset in the morning. Once you’ve both had a bit of time to think on it…or sober up, you can sit and have a grown up conversation about what happened. Learn when the sparks are starting to fly and make it bedtime.
Have I bummed you out? Don’t worry, it’s time to look at the good stuff!
The Pros of Backpacking as a Couple
The Seat Lottery
The joy of knowing that you will be sitting next to your significant other cannot be underestimated. Let’s take a plane as a small example. Do you:
- A – Take the window seat and have to awkwardly climb over a stranger every time you need the toilet.
- B – Take the aisle and get a terrible sleep because you have to sit up straight to avoid getting banged by the cart/people en route to the toilet. Or worse, drool on your new seat buddy!
Being one half of a couple means always having a seat buddy that you can lean on, chat to, share snacks with and not have to apologise to every time you accidentally brush them with your hand/elbow/knee.
The Bathroom Breather
Have you used a squat toilet whilst wearing a backpack and day pack because the floor is too disgusting to put your bags down? Even just getting your shorts down your legs is a challenge. Trust me, when you really need a wee, it’s torture! Then there are the toilet cubicles that are too tight fr you and your backpack, or have big gaps that would leave your gear open to theft (I’m looking at you USA).
Luckily, backpacking as a couple, you can take turns going to the bathroom whilst your other half watches the bags. You can enjoy the moment of bagless bladder release without any stress or worry that you’ll topple over into the squatty potty.
The Joy of Sharing
Meal Times
Staring at a menu, I am often thrown into a dilemma between two (or five) delicious-looking dishes. Happily, when you are travelling as a couple, you will be sitting opposite someone who you may be able to convince to split his meal with you. If you are wily, you can convince them to get the other dish you want, and you can both try all of it. Win/Win! Plus, if you think you are too full for dessert, you can “share” one.
Half Price
How great is it to know that the cost of every taxi and every private room will automatically be shared between two. I think travelling as a couple is much cheaper as a default. Budget travel is a very happy result!
The Conversation Default
Travelling solo can be lonely. Sometimes you just want to talk to someone. By that, I mean really talk and not just make small talk with someone new. It’s nice that that I can always turn to Mr Fluskey and go “Wow, isn’t this amazeballs!” I don’t think random strangers would always react so kindly to my random outbursts.
You will also love that your trips give you the space from the everyday nonsense to step back and evaluate where you are as a couple. Some of our biggest “life talks” have taken place on the other side of the world. Travel is often the catalyst for self-reflection and you will find that the conversation, given the time and space away from the mundane, is allowed to be deep and take in your whole lives back home in a more holistic manner.
So I realise that the above pro points can all refer to travelling with a friend too, but I think this one is slightly different.
Warning : Mushy words up ahead!
Sometimes, with a partner you can share an experience in total silence but somehow you know you’re there with someone who knows exactly what you’re thinking. A little handhold is all it takes. This may even be too mushy for me….
The Bodyguard/Nurse/Parent/Friend
Being away can be hard sometimes. Very rarely would you put yourself through 16 hour coach rides at home that play loud music, or share a room with 8 other snuffling, sleeping people.
We once did a trek that started at midnight. We sat, waiting until 02:00 wondering what was going on, and THEN we began the walk. The lack of sleep and my lack of fitness led to a minor meltdown halfway up. “Leave me here and pick me up on the way back down”, I wailed. I don’t think I would have made it up to the top without Mr Fluskey who coaxed, ordered, and supported me up to the summit.
We’ve both had to support each other at different times throughout our travels; I believe our roles are always evolving. From dragging the other one from a drunken heap to protecting them from unwanted advances. Even just to being someone to grin stupidly at at an inappropriate moment, we are always there for each other. We’ve put each other through the wringer, but luckily, being part of a couple means never leaving each other behind!
Final Thoughts About Backpacking as a Couple
Don’t let all those perfectly taken Instagram shots of hearts in front of sunsets fool you. Backpacking as a couple has its good bits and its bad bits. As long as there are more good bits, you’ve found a travel buddy for life!
Rosie xx
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